the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
