I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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