these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
