Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I am naked and annoyed.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
