do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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