Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
