I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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