I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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