Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
