btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
