she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
