I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
