I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize