I'm really into asian looking animals
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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