you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
