i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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