Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
