We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
