I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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