why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
