next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The power of my boobs compel you
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
