4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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