You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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