I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
