evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
