All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
