So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
