But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
