you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
