i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize