Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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