Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
