Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
