no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
