R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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