i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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