Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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