Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
