Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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