I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
