He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
