She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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