Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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