Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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