3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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