Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
