bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
