Ketchup is God's man juice
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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