is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
