I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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