my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
