There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
