maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
