none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
All I want is dick and wine.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
