note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
