I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
