If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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