Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
