Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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