I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
