Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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