Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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