Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
