the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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