I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
