trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
