OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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