I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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