I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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