Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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