that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
