I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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