"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
