just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
