its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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