Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
