glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize