I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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