I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
