He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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