I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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