dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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