Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
