i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize