lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
