When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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