I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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