rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
