I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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