My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
