i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
