so explain again why im purple
no
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
