when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
