Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
