I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
