I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
